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( your.skin.makes.me.cry )

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Inactive [21 Jun 2009|05:11am]

I know this community has been inactive for quite awhile. Was just wondering if anyone who used to post here still watches it? And i guess to let anyone know who passes by but doesnt say anything cause it looks empty, that I still watch here.

I hope you're all well.
embrace .

i guess this is hello [08 Apr 2007|11:05am]

[ mood | anxious ]

so im anika
im from ann arbor, michigan
i've been cutting since grade seven, i am now in grade nine
i cut myself no matter how i feel, i burn myself, i have other people phsyically hurt me
and i have crazy hardcore sex too.
right now i have this boyfriend who is sweet and kind and nice and he wont do any of these things ot me and i found a guy who would and now i am guilty. hence, more cutting

001 # scarlet : embrace .

"Crimson" [15 Feb 2007|10:11am]


I've seen him,
I've seen his dark face,
his crimson eyes,
his blood-stained robe.
I was a victim to his desires,
I wanted the same as he.
He wanted to take my life,
as did I.
His sickle, sharp and menacing,
tore through me,
my soul,
my heart,
my mind.
He tried to take all that he could.
Then, it was everything.
I was too weak to fight.
I was vulnerable.
He knew he would win.
I had forsaken all hope,
there was no chance for me.
His gaze was so strong,
so intent on burning me,
defeating me.

As I continued to give in,
caving in to the dark,
I saw a light.
And, there, I saw you,
standing tall and strong.
You held me
and you fought him back,
my protector.
He tried and he tried,
he cried and he cried,
but he could not fight you.
Your strength greatly surpassed his.
Your affection,
your kindness,
your love
all overpowered him
He could not fight you,
my savior,
my hero.
You took me away
from all that was dark,
from all that was evil.
You showed me a life
I never knew I could have.

But now, my love,
you've been stolen from me,
and I can't bring you back.
No matter how hard I try,
no matter how hard I cry,
I can't bring you back.
And now I'm starting
to see those eyes again,
those violent, crimson eyes,
and that grim, blood-stained robe,
that sharp, menacing sickle.
And once more, I am afraid.
I am afraid
that I can't fight back.
I can't win without you,
my protector.
I can't make it without you
to save me
from those crimson eyes.

001 # scarlet : embrace .

[14 Feb 2007|08:59am]

Filling out the form thing.

Name: Chelsea
Age: 15
Location: NY
Who Referred You: No one.
Your Interests & Experiences With Blood: I've been a cutter for about three years. I've always had a fascination with blood. Seeing it has always calmed me. I started cutting to deal with suicidal impulses. Now that they're gone, I've been addicted to cutting. I've tried to stop before and it hasn't worked - psychiatrists don't do a damn thing. Recently I've decided to try to get help to stop again because I'm scared. I often cut in a trance, and I just end up self-massacreing. I can't go for more than a few days without doing it. I think about it and need to do it 24/7. If I don't do it for a few days, I start to shake and lose focus, one time I passed out.  It scares me.
Anything Else You Would Like To Add: Nothing else, really. If anyone wants to know more, don't hesitate to ask.
embrace .

A little about me [11 Jun 2006|11:54pm]

Hey there, Im new to the community, I joined becuase Ive now been a cutter since 7th grade, going on to 10th grade now.
I cut on my lower arm, and wrist when it gets real bad, ive cut on my thighs but the pain and blood is knowere near the same for me.
I like seeing the blood flow from my skin, and I love the natural high you get after it.
I cut myself becuase I live a lonely life, Im un happy with the way I look, And the way im judged, I live with an abusive father, my mother died when I was 10 in a car accident.
Ive been trying to stop for a while, The last few times ive been cutting I cut on the wrist themselves which I usually don't do.
I cut about a month and a half ago, its much to hard to cut during summer, so hard to hide the scars.
But who knows what lies ahead when winter comes.
Im a male cutter, which I suppose is un common, If they're are any other male cutters I would love for you to message me just to know
Im not the only one out there, thanks for making this wonderful group btw.
003 # scarlet : embrace .

faaaaaaaaark...infection... [07 Jun 2006|09:41pm]

ok...so when did i cut? like...hmm just under a week ago, maybe less?
anyway, the cut is infected...pus...red...seeping...red, swollen skin on my thigh around the cut itself (i.e. the cut is under a plaster, but all around the plaster the skin is swollen and red and sore). i change the plaster daily, but ripping it off my skin is so painful...
i'm going to go to the pharmacy and ask what to do with it tomorrow, cos i can't afford to see my doctor this week. i hate being poor! the cut itself is about 4-5cm long (no idea what that is in inches...about an inch?), quite deep, done with a fresh razor blade...
anyway, wondering if anyone has any advice? i haven't had this problem before, and i'm in a lot of pain...embarassed...shamed...and it hurts SO much to touch it or do anything with it...
002 # scarlet : embrace .

little unknown me... [02 Jun 2006|10:01pm]

i haven't cut since january this year. i've been doing so well, but tonight, seriously, tonight despite my best efforts at talking myself out of it, i've decided to cut. i have a blade all ready, and i'm getting all buzzy over the decision.
man it sucks. thought i had a handle over this horrible compulsion.
embrace .

me [22 May 2006|10:41pm]

[ mood | exhausted ]

Name: kelli
Age: 22
Location: brockton,ma
Who Referred You: no one
Your Interests & Experiences With Blood: i've been a cuter since i was 14 years old
Anything Else You Would Like To Add: i've never worte anything in this before so i guess i just wanted to know how somepoepl cope with cuting and tryin not to do it cus i had arelaps about a month ago and i try realy hard not to let things get that bad again so any one with any tips please let me know

embrace .

me...of course [23 May 2006|11:11am]

well...i haven't posted on here in forever either.

i'm currently living at my mother's, in my old hometown. i'm struggling to get my Crohn's disease under control, without health you have nothing right? my boyfriend (the most beautiful boy i've even been with) and i broke up yesterday, as he's leaving the country to go and work in australia for a while. that's the only reason we're breaking up, cos he doesn't want to do the long-distance thing.

i haven't cut since january. but i can't stop thinking about it now...it's been creeping up on me in the last month or so.
002 # scarlet : embrace .

[02 Feb 2006|07:16pm]

your soft fingertips swiftly grasp at the womaned glass
shimmers of your lingering thirst
of sweet red wine,dilluted from my soul
you take a single sip of me
each drop of me savored inside you parched mouth
as you admire the lovely curves
you kiss the glass,your hand wraps around me
the flavor of bitter love spills softly from your lips
quenched of your crimson desires
the aroma of wine still lurks through the still room
decorates your lips like beads layed across your skin
silks around you,each cell of a drunken kiss
swirls immerse you,crescent through your gentle face
like ribbons of smoke simply seared the burnt scent
makes you want more
stings down your chest as i flow under your skin
through your veins,stains of a single toxic kiss
distilled illusions of blurry dreams
imbibe all of you within all of me
drink me till each drop is gone and im forever apart of you
i slowly escape from your cold hands
shatters every piece of me
the shards glitters through your fading light
and fall inside to a forgiving sleep
of your soul interwine within mine
of your last sip
your last breath
001 # scarlet : embrace .

[23 Jan 2006|04:58pm]

The one you love can hurt you the most
Break your heart and make you shed tears
My heart and arms bleed for you
When you watch yourself split your veins open and see the blood that runs threw them you known its coming to an end
The room starts getting dark and your vision gets blury
And before you close your eyes one last time, you look down at your wrists and remember why you did this
You did this for love, love that will never be yours again
That same love that made life worth living for is gone and tears drip down your sad face as you think of the day you said goodbye to the one you love, you take one last breath and open your eyes to find yourself lying in bed knowing what love can drive you to do.

The less people you love or let love you,
the less chance there is of being hurt.

004 # scarlet : embrace .

[23 Jan 2006|04:57pm]

Can you feel my pain deep inside
Can you see why i feel the need to hide
I shut the world out and all its sun shine
because all i hear is how things will be fine
if you only knew how hard it was to keep going
maybe one day i'll be gone with no reason of knowing
the horrors of the past haunt me at night
im trying so hard but i can no longer fight
the darkness calling me to its empty n cold foreverness
embrace .

[23 Jan 2006|04:56pm]

i want to tell you that im sorry
im sorry i left you all alone
in this cold dark world i use to call home
theres was nothing you cud have said or done
so please i just want you to move on
please be happy and try not to look back
i know ive left behinde so many broken lives
and i apologize a hundred times
please dont be sad or cry
for i have now left all my sadness behinde
i will forever watch over you and keep you safe from harm
just remember of how u once held me in ur arms
please never forget me thats not what i want
keep me as a memory deep in ur heart
please know that i love u dearly
and never meant to cause you pain
i just felt that ive had enough of this lonely game

Love jessica
001 # scarlet : embrace .

[21 Jan 2006|01:56pm]

[ mood | crushed ]

what am i to do when my face is wet from tears
and my arm covered in blood
how should i feel when u tell me your leaving
you say things will be ok when i know they wont
you said you'd never leave me and now you r
how do u fix a broken heart that wants to die
how can u say u love me when ur not here to wipe my tears away
i cry on the inside n out bc i cant hold it in anymore
once again that dark place is calling
how can u blame me for wanting to end my pain
u know how it feels to have that peace
i want to go to sleep, a everlasting sleep
and so i will, take the bottle n lay down
in thoughts of u i will drown
worst of all they wont know why but u will
for everything i love you and say goodbye

004 # scarlet : embrace .

neeeew member [18 Jan 2006|04:54pm]

[ mood | awake ]

Location:wellington, new zealand
Who Referred You:found it while trawling
Your Interests & Experiences With Blood:cutty cutty cutty. first did it when i was about 16, but it has become a little more rampant in the last 12 months. i think about it a lot. i love doing it and i hate doing it. especially like the sensation i get when i see my blood on my pale skin. i never cut very deep, but deep enough to scar i guess.
Anything Else You Would Like To Add:i suck with computers, so i'm still learning how to do all this LJ stuff, so bear with me if i'm a bit slow on the uptake.

embrace .

[08 Jan 2006|10:38pm]

I wait for that cold and dark feeling to take me away
as i lay in the tub full of water thats getting deeper red by the moment
i wait to take my last breath as i leave this horride life
tears string down my face as i see my beautiful wrists split open
and draining the very same blood that keeps me breathing
i think of the goodbye letters i wrote
that lay apon my bed waiting to be discovered
in these letters i say goodbye and im sorry for what i did
i ask you to forgive me and i tell you how much i love u
my reason for doing this is complicated yet simple
i live in a world were im surrounded by people yet im lonely inside with sadness
i hope that you forgive me and pray for my soul
embrace .

[13 Dec 2005|02:06pm]

Something Missing
Ill write you a story
About the one that I miss
But this story will be different
I'll write it on my wrist
And I'll rite it with a razor
As i bite down on my lip
And the razor goes down
My skin it will rip
To show you the pain
He inflicted upon me
I'll inflict pain on myself
As the blood drips down on my knee
The blade goes deeper
My skin slowly seperates
To show the whole world
How my pain is so great
I take the blade from my wrist
The blood is still dripping
As I remind myself
"Isnt something missing?"

this poem has quite a few meanings I have realised
but for me, its mostly to/about my brother
and what he did to me....

embrace .

[13 Dec 2005|08:53am]

night has kept you in dark secret
smoke still lingers in the musty air
curls around my face,caress my satin skin of your presence
unveiled yourself from this mask
as i bleed through your shadow
unnaturally drawn to you
wrapped tightly around your finger
swirls of your breath simply suppressed againest me
through your fragmented lips
swept between my silk veins
burns down into my heart
dreary watching as each raindrop etches
to tainted tears
seared through my eyes,slowly turning the little dial
music bellows through me
dance like you ballerina,trapped inside you black box
whispers of sweet meldolic symphonies
honeyed encrusted to your touch
of the scent of your hair still lurks
bringing back every memory inside your arms
a torn painting,your canvas pasted red
ink of glitter blood
pretty portrait of a girl with no soul to live on
as you rip out every stitch you gave
stains of black wounds,embedded forever
left me completely naked,unpieced
vaguely remembering me,you don't even notice
that im still bound to you
you burn out the candle,watching the smoke,so similar,so real
escapes throughout your soul into the dark
001 # scarlet : embrace .

[08 Dec 2005|08:45am]

~*is loving you worth more than love itself*~
whispers lingers though veils of lies
the truth has never been spoken,never been alive
starts to wither among the fiery dusk
took a breath in of your soul
so cold along my body
the only real feeling i ever felt before
you became a part of me
drank my blood like you wine,diluted
devours the marrow from my bones
and etch your name into them
do you even know my name?
now im addicted to your demonic pleasures
pain only feels good when its inflicted upon you for so long
do you remember me or remember the way you held me
somehow you still convince me that im beautiful
but how could that be
you say a pretty face lies among and ugly soul
then what am i do you,have i had no meaning
dissever my heart from yours,piece by piece
the only way i could heal from this sickness
i can't even stand looking in the mirror
watching you,seeming through my eyes
is loving you worth more than love itself?
embrace .

[07 Dec 2005|08:45am]

~*paper heart*~
you trace and cut out a lovely pattern on paper
a paper heart of me
your fingers dance along me
as it bites your skin,making you bleed
don't you know all hearts cuts and hurts everyone
like a rose with its thorns
so delicate and beautiful
you tore me up,shattered evry part of me
dismantle my insignificant pieces
put them back together,to make me whole again
easily weak againest you
thats why i love you so much,you have that something over me
unpieced fragments of me,stictched one by one
fold me up then out me away in your pocket
to forget about me...as the days go on
am i worthy enough for you to love me?
no,never beacause of how you deprived me from anything real
but your heart is real,it pumps blood,it beats soft rythyms
mine is just a paper heart
just nothing
decieted me inside the pages of your sorrow kept me hidden there
leave me there alone,until one day you take me out of the darkness
my soul faded and torn
the colors drained out
your beautiful paper heart...loves no more
embrace .

[06 Dec 2005|08:50am]

~*nothing more*~
night has fallen into beloved silence
a candle lights the love unwind
so close,wrapped up inside you
interwine into one
our lips clasped,spilling out soft melodies
felt along your veins,your pretty blood
lace wraps through my fingers of my dress
revealed the flawless lies
left my heart open,for you to take
ciggaretts burning on my skin
scarring every part left by you
when you say you love me,it doesn't mean anything
those words left tarnished but still lingers
in your kiss,now tasteless
to never feel you again
half of me died,lost my self worth
too much for me to go on
but not enough to leave this place
don't know where the end is going to take me
you never even cried a single tear,you don't even miss me
never there to hold my hand anymore
that i held with you though with you together
vaguely remebering our fingers clasped softly
no longer real...just a memory
the candle finally dims and goes out
scent of a burnt love,drifting away
as i watch the swirls of smoke billowing
through the night,wraps tightly along the moon
your face disappears but still locks in my heart
its all i see and nothing more
embrace .

[05 Dec 2005|10:39pm]

Name: Eyelash
Age: 17
Location: Chicopee Mass
Who Referred You: No one i found the comunity during a search
Your Interests & Experiences With Blood: Well i'v been cutting for about two years now and i'v done bloodletting a few times.
Anything Else You Would Like To Add: I'v been in this community for awhile but never got around to posting anything. I will try because im glad to have finally found a comunnity thats not a bunch of people crying about how depressed they are and how bad cutting is.
embrace .

[05 Dec 2005|08:57am]

~*bloody letters*~
when tears are not enough
as the pain builds up
like walls you can't break out of
last slavation is to take a blade and cut deep
into your skin,feeling it all come out\
wathcing the blood flow out,veins split in half
as you lay dying,eyes hollow like a broken china doll
the walls finally collasped,crumbling to pieces
leaving bloody letters of deliverance
written in red ink of sorrow
bleeds together and melts every hope you had
of what the world can't understand
drain out all that you are
and all that is left is nothing but a corspe
decaying in your hands
skies burning an seething fire
but it'll never be enough for me
001 # scarlet : embrace .

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